Defriending/Unfollowing: Emotional Nonsense
What strikes me is that this is a potentially emotional exchange to what should be a simple choice of data management. Think about it. If you remove someone as a friend, it says something more than just a line of data, doesn’t it? There’s an emotional transference. Some of you will argue that there shouldn’t be, or that someone should get over it, or whatever, but for the most part, I’d say that people who use social networks extensively (versus people trying to plumb the system for business purposes) would feel a little something, should they find themselves defriended.
It says you’re not important. It says you’re no longer relevant. It says you’re no longer entitled to a more intimate view and sharing. There are lots of potential combinations to feel when one is unfollowed or defriended.
from chrisbrogan.com “The Problems With Friends Lists”
I think that I am unfollowed on Twitter every other week, and for every one that departs, I gain two shortly after, give or take. My thoughts are, when I do rarely take the time to look at my follower count, I think, “Oh. Oh, well. Peace!” and then I move on. I get it. I wasn’t interesting. Nothing personal, no offense taken. Peace out!
What I don’t get is the emotionalism that some folks go through. In my view, if the person left and you weren’t already talking closely with this person, then it wasn’t a loss, but rather a gain. I cherish my solitude, probably too much, but I digress… Think about it. The people you do build deep meaningful relationships with online will obviously stay with you, and those with whom you have no connection don’t really matter. I know that may seem cold to you, but I think it guards one from having an unhealthy relationship with social networking itself–lest you begin to exhibit what I call the Creepy Factor, just a little too overly zealous. In other words, some people follow Buddha, some Allah, some Jesus Christ and some Steve Jobs (jk). But then there are the Tweetheads and The Church of Zuckerberg of the Book of Faces (Facebook). I jest, but seriously. Dude!?
Being able to get up and walk away from the computer, iPhone, or MyTouch after talking with these folks is necessary. I swear, there are people that spend large portions of their day on Twitter and Facebook. I almost fell into that trap. A had a realization that before these networks, people were living their lives just fine. And if tomorrow all three major social networks blew up (I’m dramatic, get over it), my life wouldn’t end. I’d miss the convenience, but I’d get over and life will go on. Detachment is vital.
Also, I will confess that I have a come hither mentality. I’m not really going to go too far out of my way to connect with people online unless I really want to form a lasting mutual online friendship that, if attempted, could be a real life friendship or business relationship. That’s one way I separate the goats from the sheep. A lot of people on Twitter appear to be what I call seasonal followers or opportunists–here for a time and then gone or here to use you then gone. The one’s who hang around and actually talk back to me, I keep or I stick around for them and have great conversations with them. That may be bad, but I’m finding it hard to change. My relationships–whatever level they may be–work like my heart: When you’re in, you’re in. And when you’re out, you’re out.
Oh, one clarification. I’m not trying to say that it’s bad to have an emotional response when someone unfollows or defriends you. I’m actually differentiating between a healthy and potentially unhealthy emotional response to being unfollowed or defriended. I implied that, if you don’t really know the person that left you, what the french fry are you fretting over?! There’s a balance I think.
Any questions?
That’s all.
